Swear like a Mother F---er - And other helpful tips

You're probably wondering what the title means. How could swearing be a tip? Why am I encouraging vulgar language? And, how can swearing help you, rather than get you in trouble as it usually does. This blog is about theft. And oddly enough, the swearing should be coming from you and not the robber! Here you'll find some useful tips to avoid being the victim of theft. Some advice I've heard from other sources, such as the news (I apologize for not having exact sources to give them the proper credit), and some I have come up with myself by observation. I recommend you read and share it, because it may come in handy.

Keep this in mind while you read: Common criminals want to steal when it is easy, fast, and unnoticeable to others.

Inside the Robber's Mind

The first thing you need to know about thieves is they are opportunists – AKA they are looking for an opportunity. So, you need to make sure you're not an easy target. Don't give them the opportunity. It is extremely rare that a stranger will go out of their way to rob you. It's just not practical for them. Too much risk for something that may or may not payoff.

For example, at the University I attended some people had their things stolen that were in the cubbies in the dinning halls. I believe that if a person puts their things in the middle of the cubbie wall, it is more likely to be stolen. The thief is not as likely to bend down low to steal or stand on their toes to reach something up high. It's not something they can do as quickly as walking by and grabbing something that is level with their hand. Also, I believe bags with items of interest sticking out of them, such as a phone or iPod, are more likely to be stolen. If there isn't anything sticking out, there is nothing to grab. Would a plain bag interest a robber who decides to steal on a whim? The thief is not going to want to grab a bag that may or may not be a big payoff. It needs to be a sure thing they're getting something for all their trouble - they could be potentially caught in the act and they are definitely aware of that. To sum my point up, keep items hidden and don't put bags in convenient places in settings such as University buildings. I would also like to mention that's along the same lines, which you've probably heard before, don't leave anything out in the open in your car. No bags, no money, no electronics. Shove them under the seat if you aren't going to put them in your glove box or trunk. What kind of criminal is going to break into a car that looks empty? It's possible, but very unlikely. Again, he/she wants something for their effort and risk.

Wallet

Next point. I have heard that if somebody asks you for your wallet, you should throw it and run. They don't want to hurt you, they just want your money. By throwing it, you have a chance to run away while they chase after it. This allows you to run the other direction. To take it one step further, I think it would be a good idea to carry an extra wallet. This could be a wallet with two or three dollars in it, some of those cardboard credit cards they send you in the mail and some receipts. It should look close to a realistic wallet. This way, if a criminal asks you for your wallet, you throw the decoy wallet, run away, and you don't have to worry about somebody taking all your money and ID away from you. I can't guarantee it would work, but I think it's defiantly a good try.

Purses

And here comes my biggest complaint: Women and their purses. I can't even tell you how many times I could have stolen a purse at the grocery store without being noticed. They put their purse in the cart where the seat is to put children. Then, they leave their cart on one side of the isle while they go to the other side to look for something. And then, sometimes they even walk down the isle a little further, totally abandoning their cart! Their backs are turned and they are nowhere near their purse.

So, either don't wonder away from your cart or just hold on to your purse. If it's a short strap, invest in a long strap so you can put it on you. And put it in front of you, not behind you so nobody can take something out of it when you're in a crowd.

Help vs Fire

I've also heard that if somebody is attacking you, you should yell 'Fire' instead of 'Help'. People seemed to be prone to ignoring the word help, but there are looky-loos who will stop whatever they are doing to see a fire.

And this is what I mean about swearing:

Swear like a Mother F@*#er!!!

Along the same lines as yelling 'fire', I heard from the news that swearing can help if somebody is about to attack you. I suppose it could scare them away because it makes you look like a tough son of a b---- who is not going to be a weak person or maybe they find it shocking that you're not scared, but look angry and then it distracts them. But mostly, it's a way to get attention from people nearby.

Fighting Off an Attacker

Here's something I learned in self defense class. If someone grabs you by the wrist, turn your wrist so that the thinnest part of it is by where their thumb and other fingers meet. You may be able to slide your wrist through their thumb and fingers.

Most Importantly: Don't Make Yourself a Target.

Don't give strangers any reason to think they can take advantage of you. If at all possible, don't walk alone, especially at night, and don't walk in unpopulated places. If you must walk alone, walk tall, don't hunch. Don't make yourself look like a victim before you're even victimized. Don't carrying anything in the open worth stealing. If you're in a big city, try carrying everything in your pocket, and don't carry a purse. Be aware of your surroundings. If you feel nervous, talk on your cell phone while you walk. If you don't have anyone to talk to, pretend you are talking on your phone.

Common criminals want to steal when it is easy, fast, and unnoticeable to others. If you keep that in mind, that can stop you from becoming a victim in the first place.

Creative Outlet

Greetings to any of you who, by random acts of chance, have stumbled across this page. Did you get lost on the information super highway and are refusing to pull over for directions? Well, since you're here at my diner, why don't you have a seat at this table. Would you like regular or decaf? Tea, perhaps? I'll be right back with that...

I've created this blog page to entertain and inform in any way I can. I've been deprived of a creative outlet since I graduated from college last year. Hence, "Spending my sunshine in the shade." (It's a visual metaphor. Visualize it, metaphorically speaking) Maybe you'll find something useful, like "Swear like a Mother F-er and other Helpful Tips" - a list of tips to keep yourself from being the victim of a crime, or find amusement in my list of "Banamanda's Brilliant Words of Wisdom" where I twist classic figures of speech to look at them in a new light.

Although I've lived in the United States all my life, I have been influenced by the U.K. through their entertainment - music, television and movies. It has become part of my personality, humor, and language on a daily basis. If you don't get my jokes, you may not be a fan of British humor (which makes me a little sad inside because they are truly brilliant people - i.e. David Tennant, for example, just to name a few - i.e. one, actually).

I like all forms of entertainment and would love to do it all, if I get the chance (maybe even, mime?). It's possible I may have ADD, but as Mary Catherine's grandmother said, 'if the good Lord gave my granddaughter excess energy, then nobody's taking it away from her!'

New posts coming soon!

P.s. As for you lost souls on the information super highway, I wish you luck on finding your destination and don't forget to enjoy the ride. Drive safely! (or I will tell your mother)