Once Upon a Madcap Recap: The Miller’s Daughter

"The Miller's Daughter"

Once Upon a Time, Season 2, Episode 16

Note: Do not read this if you haven’t seen this episode. It contains lots of spoilers and ridiculous embellishments from me.

Fairytale Flashback Land Village

[A young woman, who looks like a young Cora (because she turns out to be young Cora), finds her father asleep in a wheelbarrow.]

YOUNG CORA: You didn’t deliver this flour yet?

CORA’S FATHER: Mmmfff

YOUNG CORA: Fine. I’ll do it myself.

CORA’S FATHER: Mmmfff k

Fairytale Flashback Land Main Street

[Young Cora wheels a wheelbarrow full of sacks of flour into town where she encounters the royal family.]

[Young Princess Eva trips Young Cora]

YOUNG PRINCESS EVA: Peasant!

YOUNG CORA: Wench!

YOUNG PRINCESS EVA: You wrecked my slipper!

YOUNG CORA: You’re lucky I don’t wreck your face!

THE KING: Shut up, peasant, or we won’t buy flour from you anymore. We’ll go gluten-free if we have to just to put you out of business!

Yarr, Aboard the Present-Day Pirate Ship

EMMA: Tell me about the dagger thingy. What does it do?

RUMPLEFUGGLY: Oh, nothing much except WHOEVER HAS THE DAGGER CONTROLS ME AND CAN ORDER ME TO KILL EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU IN THE MOST UNSPEAKABLY GRUESOME WAY.

EMMA: No worries. I won’t let them. Even though it still makes me want to vomit thinking about you being Henry’s granddad and all, we’re still family. I’m going to save you from them and from your poisonous mustard wound.

RUMPLEFUGGLY: Good. Ow! Can we get a rush on things? Totally dying here.

Mayor’s Office

CORA: I don’t like your magic box thingy.

REGINA: That’s a phone tap.

CORA: Don’t sass your mother just because I’m not hip on the lingo you kids use.

Flashback Masquerade (Painted faces on parade)

[Young Cora goes to the masquerade ball in disguise. But to be fair, everybody is in disguise. Because it’s a masquerade ball. She somehow manages to get the prince to dance with her, but the king cuts in.]

THE KING: I know who you are. And you have nothing to offer.

YOUNG CORA: But I can spin straw into gold, you know.

THE KING: Okay. Do it then. And if you can, you can marry the prince. And if you can’t, well, you’re dead. You have until morning.

YOUNG CORA: No problem.

YOUNG CORA: [whispers] #@$%!

At Storybrooke Pier

[Snow and Charming come to greet Emma, Henry, NeiflFire, and Rumplefuggly]

EMMA: Go with Ruby. I’ve got a feeling things are about to get dangerous.

HENRY: Okay. Ruby said she’d help me make “Team Emma” shirts today anyways. Bye everybody!

An Attic Tower in Fairytale Flashback Land

[Rumplefuggly creeps up on Young Cora because apparently he doesn’t know how to knock on doors. He only knows how to creep]

YOUNG CORA: Hey, creepy dude. Do you know how to spin gold? Could you show me?

RUMPLEFUGGLY: No problem. Just sign this contract saying I can have you first born.

YOUNG CORA: [shrugs] Ok.

Rumplefuggly’s FugglyThings Emporium

RUMPLEFUGGLY: Take this invisible chalk and draw a line in front of the front door. That should keep them out.

EMMA: *skepticalface*

[Emma and NeilFire play with chalk]

EMMA: I totally don’t care if you’re engaged or whatever. I dated you like, a decade ago. I hardly even remember it. Are you sure we even dated?

[Meanwhile, Snow finds the dark magic candle on a shelf in the FugglyThings Emporium that she could have used years ago to save her mother. Rumplefuggly wants Snow to use this candle to save him by cursing Cora’s heart. This way, Rumplefuggly is cured of his magical mustard wound while Cora dies.]

[Emma comes back into the room]

RUMPLEUGGLY: You do the protective magic thingy.

EMMA: I can’t cast a spell. I can only spell a spell.

RUMPLEUGGLY: This is no time for practicing for the spelling bee young lady, just think of what you want to do and do it. For the family.

EMMA: *does the protective magic thingy*

The Tower Attic

[Young Cora is trying to turn the straw into gold. It’s not working.]

YOUNG CORA: It’s not working.

RUMPLEFUGGLY: Years ago, a man made me kiss his feet in front of my son. I just think about how I want to break him, destroy him, rip him to pieces. And then, I can do incredible magic.

YOUNG CORA: Ah, Bloodlust! [Looks dreamy-eyed]

RUMPLEFUGGLY: Ooo, I like you! *winks*

YOUNG CORA: I’m thinking about them all bowing to me, the wrenched filth. Bowing until their necks break!

[Young Cora spins gold with her hate]

RUMPLEFUGGLY: That’s my girl!

[Young Cora spins gold in front of the royal family and the prince purposes to her.]

YOUNG CORA: Told you!

Present Day Storybrooke

[Regina and Cora show up at the shop. All they have to do is generate a fireball between them and throw it at the door. It flings open. Emma really needs to work on her magic skills.]

SNOW: *casually slips out the back door*

[Charming does fancy sword-fighting moves, but he doesn’t have magic, so Regina just sort of knocks him off his feet with magic. Emma draws a new line of chalk across the doorway to the room Rumplefuggly is in (even though that didn’t really stop Regina and Cora from getting in before)]

CORA: *gasp* My evil senses are tingling. Someone is in your vault and they are stealing my heartbox! Regina, go stop them.

What I’m Assuming is the Night Before Young Cora’s Wedding Day

RUMPLEFUGGLY: I’m going to foolishly rewrite our contract. I’m only entitled to your child if she is my child.

YOUNG CORA: Oh, very well, then. Anyways, the king made a fool of me. He made me apologize and it wasn’t my fault. I want to show him his heart before I kill him.

RUMPLEFUGGLY: I love it when you speak with such vicious malice!

[They kiss. Because apparently women in fairytale land are drawn to slimy, evil monsters? Okay.]

Regina’s Vault of Hearts

[Snow finds Cora’s heartbox and opens it]

SNOW: EWW!

[Snow shuts the box but opens it back up again. She lights the dark magic candle and curses the heart.]

The King’s Office

[Young Cora tells the king she doesn’t love the prince. The king doesn’t really care. He says this marriage is about alliance, not love. Love is a weakness. Cora considers hearts are weaknesses by association.]

[Young Cora walks out of the room with a heartbox containing a heart. But who’s heart is it? To be continued…]

Back at Rumplefuggly’s FugglyThings Emporium

RUMPLEFUGGLY: I’m dying!

NEILFIRE: No you’re not.

RUMPLEFUGGLY: Seriously, totally telling the truth here.

[Rumplefuggly calls Bell, who is still in the hospital. I’m guessing the doctors have forgotten to discharge her because she should really be out of the hospital by now]

RUMPLEFUGGLY: [sings] A heart full of love!

BELL: Gasp! Your beautiful words!

NEILFIRE: You are dying!!! Papa!

RUMPLEFUGGLY: Son!

[They hug and cry]

In the Sewers

[Javert enters the scene, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for ValJean and swiftly exits with a snigger]

[Snow has Cora’s heartbox]

SNOW: You’re mother can’t love you because she doesn’t have her heart. Take it. You and your mother and Henry can be a family.

REGINA: *hopefulface*

Flashback Forest

[Young Cora walks up to Rumplefuggly and kisses his slimy face]

YOUNG CORA: I couldn’t take the king’s heart. Instead, I took out my own heart because it is my weakness. I’m going to get married tomorrow and not run away with you.

RUMPLEFUGGLY: You never loved me! And you broke your promise! But remember, I still get your first-born.

YOUNG CORA: Actually, no. We changed the contract. If the baby isn’t yours, you don’t get it.

RUMPLEFUGGLY: But—

Outside the Vault

SNOW: I did a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad thing…

CHARMING: *disapointedface*

Rumplefuggly’s FugglyThings Emporium (Again)

[Cora breaks through the magical invisible chalk with the intent to kill Rumplefuggly with the dagger thingy. She teleports Emma and NeilFire to an undisclosed foresty area]

EMMA & NEILFIRE: What the--?

RUMPLEFUGGLY: Did you ever love me?

CORA: Of course. That’s why I had to get rid of my heart. And now, I’m going to kill you.

[Cora is about to stab Rumplefuggly with his dagger thingy, but Regina comes from behind and shoves Cora’s heart through her back because apparently you can do that from the back.]

Flashback to Pride Rock

[Cora presents baby Regina to the people. Elton John music starts playing in the background]

The Last Scene at Rumplefuggly’s Emporium

[Cora, for about three seconds, has a heart and loves her daughter and everything is good, and then she all-of-the-sudden dies. Snow runs in to stop her, but it’s too late]

SNOW: %#$@! WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!

REGINA: $#%@! WHAT DID YOU DO?

[Awkward silence]

SNOW: Let me explain you a thing…

END OF EPISODE