"Welcome to Storybrooke"
Synopsis: If you
have trouble following the alternation between present day Storybrooke and
flashback fairytale land scenes in this show, brace yourselves. This episode
has Storybrooke flashbacks along with present day Storybrooke.
Way, way, way back in the day (1983), two strangers came to
Storybrooke. And then some things happened.
Campsite in the
Forest, 1983
[A father named Kurt and his son Owen are camping in a
forest when a big cloud of purple magic stuff starts blowing around them.]
FATHER: I think it’s an electrical storm or something.
SON: An electric-purple storm?
FATHER: I dunno. Don’t ask me. I failed Science in the 8th
grade. Just get in the tent now!
[When they come out of the tent, they see a city in the
distance]
FATHER: That was definitely
not there before.
The Inception of Storybrooke,
1983
[And so, on the first day Regina created Storybrooke and it
was good. Which is bad. Because Regina hates good.]
[Back by popular demand, Graham, the Sheriff, strolls onto
the scene]
GRAHAM: *winks*
[Regina does a smug strut down Main Street passing people
like Granny, Ruby, and Dr. Hopper. Everybody is just carrying on like normal
because they have no idea they are from Fairytale Land. Tra la la.]
The Hospital, 1983
REGINA: Do you know who this unconscious man is?
MARY MARGRET: No, I don’t know him, but he looks rather
charming.
Granny’s Diner, 1983
REGINA: That suit suits you well.
GRAHAM: Thanks. I’ll see you *wink* later
[Regina comes across Kurt and Owen and doesn’t recognize
them from Fairytale Land]
REGINA: What????
Cora’s Tomb, present
day
RUMPLEFUGGLY: You can’t have vengeance and Henry.
REGINA: Yes I can. I can have vengeance and Henry. I can
have cake and I can eat it, too. I can summon a crate of discontinued Twinkies
if I wanted and whatever else I want.
Snow and Charming’s
Charming Kitchen
EMMA: Um, see, the thing is, Henry, your Grandma Snow is
kind of sort of just partially to be blamed for Cora’s death.
HENRY: But that’s so out of character.
RUMPLEFUGGLY: I just came by to tell you that Regina is
planning to kill Snow. Gotta dash—
CHARMING: Wait! Snow saved your life. You are indebted to
her.
RUMPLEFUGGLY: But I just told you about the thing…
EMMA: We’re family now. You’re Henry’s grandfather. You’ve
got to help us.
RUMPLEFUGGLY: FML.
I knew that family thing was going to bite me in the arse one day.
Granny’s Diner, 1983
REGINA: Why are you still in my town. Are you a bunch of
squatters? Get out of my chair, boy.
OWEN: Sorry for taking your seat, ma’am. Here, have a
keychain I made.
REGINA: [Thinks] Aww,
now I want them to stay.
On the Second Day of
Storybrooke…
[Regina does her strut-walk down the street and everybody is
friendly to her, even Mary Margret who is actually Snow]
REGINA: *bored*
REGINA: Everybody does what I want. *poutface*
RUMPLEFUGGLY: Isn’t that what you wanted?
REGINA: - - -
REGINA: Shut up, Rumple.
RUMPLEFUGGLY: I will never understand women.
Cora’s Collection of
Possessions, present day
[Regina rips through her mother’s possessions looking for
something. She finds a slip of paper with some words on it. A spell. She
scurries out of the room and in walks Rumplefuggly and Charming.]
RUMPLEFUGGLY: *sniff sniff* Something is missing. A
hah! A curse of the empty hearted.
It’ll make someone think they love you.
CHARMING: You have an excellent sniffer dog nose!
Snow and Charming’s
Charming Kitchen
RUMPLEFUGGLY: Here’s the low down on the situation: Now,
Regina needs the heart of her enemy to make the love curse work on Henry so he
will love her. This is a blood feud and it can only end by spilling more blood.
HENRY: You’re going to kill my mom?
EMMA/CHARMING: Erm—
HENRY: I thought you guys were the heroes!
EMMA/CHARMING: *shamefaced*
Regina’s Kitchen,
1983
OWEN: You’d make a great mom.
REGINA: Aww *must have
the preciousss*
REGINA: You could stay here in Storybrooke.
KURT: That’s ridiculous. We’re going back to Jersey.
OWEN: *sadface*
REGINA: *internal rage*
Granny’s Diner of Ice
Cream Bribes
NEALFIRE: So, I was thinking maybe you’d like to spend some
time in New York with me.
HENRY: How about no.
Why don’t we get rid of magic so nobody kills anybody else anymore?
NEALFIRE: Well, we’ve got to keep you safe so I think it’s
best if you and I go to New York.
HENRY: Okay… I’m going to use the restroom. Will you excuse
me?
[Emma walks in to the diner]
EMMA: How’s it going?
NEALFIRE: He said yes.
EMMA: Really? Where is he?
NEALFIRE: The bathroom.
EMMA: Where’s his backpack?
NEALFIRE: He took it with him.
EMMA: And why would he take his backpack with him?
NEALFIRE: You mean… you don’t think…?
EMMA: Oh yeah, he’s definitely your son.
NEALFIRE: … he ran away?
EMMA: You had ONE job!
NEALFIRE: … he ran away?
EMMA: You had ONE job!
At Snow and
Charming’s Charming Apartment
[Regina storms into Snow & Charming’s Charming apartment
unannounced but Rumplefuggly the Guard Dog stops her from getting near Snow]
RUMPLEFUGGLY: NO
REGINA: *pouts*
The Mayor’s Office,
1983
[Regina is speaking to Graham’s heart ordering him to stop
Kurt and Owen from leaving Storybrooke by arresting Kurt for drunk driving. And
as she does so, Kurt steps into her office and sees the shenanigans going on.
Graham tries to handcuff him but he escapes.]
KURT: How you gonna arrest me for drunk driving when I
wasn’t even driving?
Meanwhile, in Present
Day Storybrooke…
[Henry plans on throwing a bunch of dynamite sticks down the
magical well because apparently he thinks you can blow up magic? Greg, that guy
who’s not from Fairytale Land but came into Storybrooke because he hit Hook
with his car and ended up in the hospital, calls Regina to tell her about
Henry’s plans]
HENRY: I’m going to end this feud by blowing up magic.
REGINA: You’re only going to blow up yourself. Please step
away from the dynamite.
[Charming has a gun pointed at Regina (which I think is really
pointless because she has magic)]
HENRY: Can’t we all just try to get along? This is madness.
REGINA: It’s the only way.
HENRY: If you magic me into loving you, it won’t be real.
[Regina burns the piece of paper with the curse on it.]
HENRY: Thanks! [He runs off to Emma’s embrace, leaving
Regina, once again, alone.]
ME: If people stopped leaving Regina out of family time,
maybe she wouldn’t be such a meany trying to kill everybody and put them under
spells and such. And why does Henry keep calling her his mom when he wants
people to not kill her, but then spends literally no time with her ever? I
just…]
Meanwhile, in 1983
Storybrooke…
[Regina and Graham chase Kurt and Owen’s orange truck to the
edge of town.]
REGINA: Don’t you want to stay here, Owen, with me?
OWEN: Heck no, lady. You is crazy! [He runs past the sign
leaving Storybrooke]
REGINA: Come back here! Let me love you!
[Owen comes back with the real police, but the town has
disappeared].
OWEN: But—They have my dad! I’ll come back for you!
Snow and Charming’s
Charming Apartment
SNOW: I did a very bad thing. After all the awful things
you’ve done, how can you look at yourself in the mirror?
RUMPLEFUGGLY: *shrugs* I just avoid mirrors.
Regina’s Front Porch
REGINA: I can’t. Henry would never forgive me. And I don’t
have to because… [She does that awful
thing where she reaches into people’s chests and pull out their hearts]
you’re heart has a black spot. It doesn’t go away. It just grows. And you will
ruin your family and then Henry will come to me. [She shoves her heart back into her chest]
[Meanwhile, in the bushes lurks Greg. He’s captured the
whole incident on his cell phone. We also find out he has a keychain that looks
particularly familiar.]
GREG: Oh man. I can’t believe I got that on video. This is
so going on YouTube.
END EPISODE
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