Once Upon a Madcap Recap: The Queen is Dead

"The Queen is Dead"

Once Upon a Time, Season 2, Episode 15

Note: Do not read this if you haven’t seen the episode. It contains lots of spoilers (probably all the spoilers) and ridiculous embellishment and commentary from me.

Little Snow’s Pre-Birthday

LIL’SNOW: “Servant, that’s my tiara! Take it off your peasant head at once!”

QUEEN EVA: “Let the peasants have their fun.”

LIL’SNOW: “But, it’s my birthday!”

QUEEN EVA: “Always be good.”

LIL’SNOW: “Always?”

QUEEN EVA: “Always.”

LIL’SNOW: “Drats.”

Present Day Storybrooke: Snow & Charming’s Charming Apartment

[Snow opens a box and pulls out her tiara. Along with a note:]

Happy Birthday, Snow!

It seemed like a good time to give you

your tiara back since we just had a flash back

of you with the tiara.

Love always, your servant,

- Johanna

The Police Station

[Hook knocks out Charming. He is super unconscious.]

[Hook opens a desk drawer. And then Hook gets his hook back.]

HOOK: (speaking to his hook) “Hello, Sexy!”

A Visit to Present-Day Johanna’s House

JOHANNA: “You were born during a harsh winter.”

SNOW: “That’s why my mother named me Snow?”

JOHANNA: “Obviously.”

[Meanwhile, Regina and Cora look for Rumplefuggly’s dagger thingy.]

On the Streets of New York

[Henry and NealFire go into a pizza place while Rumplefuggly and Emma stand awkwardly outside because they weren’t invited inside.]

RUMPLEFUGGLY: “You still interested in my son?”

EMMA: “Erm-“

[Henry and NeilFire come out of the pizza place]

EMMA: “How do you like real New York pizza?”

HENRY: “It’s delicious, cheesy, and DOESN’T LIE.”

EMMA: *shameface*

Granny’s Diner

REGINA: “I’m a good person!”

SNOW: “Uh, hem. Please see exhibit A through Double Q.”

Fairytale Flashback Land

[Snow’s mother, Queen Eva, is lying sick in bed.]

QUEEN SATINE: (sings) “Come what may, come what may, I will love you until the end of time.”

JOHANNA: “Uh, couldn’t we just use magic to cure her? This is a freaken’ fairytale land full of magic.”

NealFire’s Apartment Building

HOOK: “Hey, Emma, baby, sorry there’s no time for innuendos. [He shoves Emma against the wall.]

[Hook hooks Rumplefuggly with his hook.]

[Emma/Hulk smashes Hook with a big hunk of something, knocks him the F out, and shoves him in a closet or something for safekeeping.]

[Rumplefuggly’s chest is now covered in poisonous mustard.]

Somewhere in Storybrooke

PRINCESS SNOW: “Help us, Mother Superior. You’re our only hope.”

A Forresty Part of Fairytale Land

[Lil’Snow visits a fairy to ask for magic that will save her mother.]

FAIRY: “Here’s a candle. But it’s a pricey candle.”

LIL’SNOW: “That’s okay. I’m rich.”

FAIRY: “Actually, I mean, the price of this candle is a life for a life.”

LIL’SNOW: “But—“

Back at NealFire’s Apartment

EMMA: “Okay, so if Rumplefuggly is NeilFire’s father, and Henry, who is my son, is also NeifFire’s son, then that makes Rumplefuggly Henry’s grandfather and my sorta father-in-law which makes me want to vomit a little but also means that we are family, so we got to stick together.”

RUMPLEUGGLY: “Hello! Dying here! Let’s focus a little more on me and a little less on the boy. It’s all his fault.”

The Bedside of the Queen

QUEEN EVA: “I’m proud of you, Snow, for not giving into dark magic.”

[Audience: Feels ALL the sads even though you know it’s coming. Still... ALL THE SADS]

Storybrooke Clocktower

Me: Where’s Peter Pan? Seriously. Fairytale. Clocktower. We’ve already got Hook. Where’s Peter Pan?

[Snow and Charming find the dagger. Regina and Cora find the Snow and the Charming. They bring along Johanna as leverage. And even though I’ve seen Regina pull out people’s hearts through their chests on more than one occasion, it’s still the freakiest thing I’ve seen.]

Lil’Snow’s Worst Birthday EVER

[Lil’Snow is wearing the fanciest, sparkliest, largest mourning dress I’ve ever seen. She’s so sad… and so brave… and so... I’m gonna cry again.]

Back at the Clocktower

[Cora is officially the worst person ever. She admits to killing Snow’s mother so Regina could become queen eventually and pushes Johanna out the window. Cora and Regina take Rumplefuggly’s dagger thingy and leave.]

At the Mayor’s Office

REGINA: “I know I’m kind of a witch, but Mother! You killed the queen so I could become queen? Why didn’t you tell me?”

CORA: “Because I’m evil. Like, really evil.”

[Fairytale flashback of Cora scaring Snow’s horse when she was younger so Regina could save her and meet the king, but Regina doesn’t know this until this point.]

Back on the Streets of New York

Nealfire and Emma are speedwalk-racing.

NEALFIRE: “Emma, I gotta tell you something before you find out that—“

SOME LADY: “Hey Neal. Whatchya up to? Who’s your friend? Hey, I’m Neal’s fiancé.”

EMMA: *shockface*

AUDIENCE: *shockface*

SOME LADY: *obliviousface*

EMMA: *shockface*

AUDIENCE: *shockface*

Snow’s Second Worst Birthday EVER

[Snow talks about all the wrong right decisions she’s made. She’s made up her mind. She’s going to do a good bad thing—Kill Cora.]

END EPISODE